Even when the road gets scary, onward…

I feel like a lot of times for many belonging to the millennial generation and elsewhere both younger and older, apprehensions get in the way. We miss out on things that will make us into such better people and inhabitants of the world because we are scared. Let’s fix that.

Have you ever found yourself in a moment where your heart was telling you jump and your head said to sit your ass down and then won the argument? Yeah, I’m sure we all know the feeling in some context or another. It’s kind of disappointing and we often won’t even realize it’s occurring because we are so conditioned into taking the easier road. Now, this is an act of our ego’s as well. We are victim to our apprehensive thoughts because “what will so and so think if I do this” or “how will this action shape my reputation” . I say, shut the hell up and just go for it. Stop running it through your head a million times, stop asking for permission, stop slowing down at the yellow light metaphors in your life, power through. If it is something that feels good in your heart, something that is substantial, a fulfilling action, absolutely go for it every time.

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“Fate loves the fearless, and if love strikes you let it rattle your bones, and if it kills you, so be it.” 

I love this anonymous quote because of it’s relevancy to my life. From a personal standpoint, every decision I have made fearlessly, has let me to a fateful experience, like a ‘there’s no way this could be really happening’ type feeling. It’s surreal what happens when you start looking at your very real feelings of fear and decide to ignore them and take flight. The best part is, being fearless doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not afraid of anything, it’s more about acknowledging those fears and trusting that you’ll come out of the storm stronger and brighter than when you entered. Life is fucking terrifying. Excuse my language when I say it but, I think we can all agree that living every day sometimes is a little shy of a walk in the park. Anxiety and our ego’s have a huge roll in many of our fears about the world. But, if we are not in sync with our feelings and thoughts you might just consider those apprehensive feelings as normal. Again, I ask you to assess the situation calmly. Think it through, what are the pro’s and con’s, what is it about the certain circumstance that is scary. How can you go about changing your perspective on the scary matter you ask? By being afraid and choosing to take part any who.

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The very first tattoo I got was on my 18th birthday with my dear friend who was battling cancer at the time (she won that scary fight btw). It’s on my forearm and it states “Don’t be afraid”. I had originally intended on getting something else, probably a love quote or something I wouldn’t have liked, while I was head over heels with being treated like trash by my first serious and older boyfriend. We’re good friends now but we were not for each other, how opposite I thought at the time. As Olivia and I drove my 5 speed standard shift BMW out to Lakeville on the most beautiful summer evening on those silent winding roads, I changed my mind in a split second. I had watched a movie called ‘The Grey’ starring Liam Neeson a few days before this, and the movie is basically this about a terrifyingly realistic plane crash in the middle of Alaska and Liam Neeson along with the other passengers of the downed plane have to survive in the frigid cold, fight off wild wolves and surmount natures obstacles with no help other than God’s hand basically. ANYWAYS, in the movie Neeson has flash backs while faced with a challenging or scary situation, to his late wife and him snuggling between sheer white sheets as she whispers to him “Don’t be afraid”. She is telling him this because she was losing her battle with cancer and was essentially reminding him to not be afraid of the pain, the loss, the challenges. So, yeah I got my first tattoo based off of a Liam Neeson movie, sue me.

The moral of that story is that when you make a decision that is a bit scary to yourself, you’re defying taking the easier road. Being truly happy is about taking those leaps of faith and making it, because you will. Traveling down the road most traveled by and orthodox will lead you to a disappointing previous expectation. To the expectant mind comes disappointment. Letting go and letting life flow you in every which way is not the easiest bridge to traverse. You must really be willing to alter your perception on literally any situation and matter thrown at you. Be fluid, flexible, and faithful. Bend until you can’t bend anymore, I promise you won’t break. Although I do want to get my tattoo covered up now, for no other reason than the scripture is just not well kept looking and I want a sleeve over the spot I have it, the message will always be underneath reminding me to not be afraid.

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In the last couple months I have faced my fears in a monumental way, I started to really party a lot, just this time subtracting alcohol out of the equation. Try going to one of the biggest party schools in the North East and not drink for 6 months. Next, I finally left my broken and soul crushing relationship in the dust, I was scared of being alone, I didn’t want to do this life by myself, I wanted someone to complain to about all the trivial things wrong in my life. Decided enough was enough and made the leap of faith into a life of blissful solitude, it was a great and such a fulfilling decision, I wish I had done it sooner. But it’s okay, because it’s never too late to live your happiest life, I just made it a priority earlier than most. Next, I took two jobs on an island in the middle of the Atlantic for the summer and moved into a house full of strangers from all over the world by myself. They became some of the best friends I could have ever had, I met my current boyfriend aka my Romanian angel on earth, I have the best two jobs I could ever imagine and finally, I’ve never seen my smile brighter. In the next coming weeks I will be preparing to disembark on my most terrifying adventure yet, I’m moving to Spain on September 3rd. Yeah, I am terrified, straight up terrified, but I’m doing it because I know that theres no way I will be less of the person I am now after coming home from a place I’ve never been, surrounded by people who don’t speak my language, alone. I don’t speak Spanish very well, I’ve never even traveled to Europe before never mind Spain, I’m jumping into this pretty much blind, and will just have to pray it all will work itself out, as it always does.  I’m going to Europe and will be living there for 6 months, I have no idea what life will unfold for me as I’m thousands of miles away from my Mom who even after moving out tries her hardest to make my life as easy as she can from a distance.  I know zero people, I know zero places, and I most certainly don’t know how the hell I’m going to take a full course load all taught in Spanish but I’m going to try it out anyways. I have the confidence to try because I have a comforting, warm and loving home inside my heart, it’s okay if i get locked out of my flat, lose my phone, get too drunk, get too lost in the middle of Spain or Edinburgh because I know I’ll be able to figure it out and continue forward in a positive notion.

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Regardless of what happens, regardless of if my failures rise far higher than my successes, I will have successes. You must be patient, receptive, open, and fluid. You can transform your life into your happiest yet if you put the effort in. Being happy is way harder than just settling for mediocracy.  You need to put in 110% energy into all the things you desire, you must also make yourself content with the constant reminder that nothing is constant in your life. Fall in love, let it kill you if it must, take the job, let you cry and scream to get it and breathe while there, book the flight even if you don’t know where you’re really going, and take your heart seriously when it tells you what it wants. It is leading you to your happiest life. I know it’s leading me to mine.

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LOVE Y’ALL XX

TMAC

 

 

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